Sunday, 17 June 2012

Accidental Crime - 18


Jarrod

Jarrod’s typing had slowed to Neil-like pedantry. His blood vessels had lost the will to pump, and his muscles were resisting every urge to provide the necessary pressure to depress the keys they rested sleepily upon. On the screen before him, the word count read ‘14’, a word for each minute he had been sat at his seat that morning, as Monday’s malaise struck harder than ever before.
His eyes returned to the ceiling above. There were still only eight lights, which was a profound disappointment, for Jarrod, as the even nature of the number prevented there being a middle light that he could identify and focus on. The windows opposite offered slight comfort, as the third across from the left could also be considered the third across from the right. Middles were important and he was pleased that his work station was almost directly in line with the middle window, nestled in between Neil and Pam, whose slowness provided the perfect contrast to highlight his proficiency.
Not today, however. Not after Friday. Not now that she had tortured him with her tantalising absence, leaving any potential future trip to reprographics in ruins as the prospect of another day in this meaningless drudgery of a job bore away at his inward being with merciless-
‘Jarrod? Jarrod, is that all you’ve done?’
It was Gavin. Or Gareth. He’d forgotten who was real. It made little difference now, he supposed. He’d settle for ‘Gaveth’, the perfect middle-ground.
‘Is that what you call a morning’s work?’ he persisted.
‘It’s 9.15.’
‘Exactly! You bet it is. And, if you want to make it in this business, you’ll have a morning’s work done by 9 o’clock, let alone 9.15. What exactly do you call that?’ He was now pointing at the screen, his yellowed-fingers vibrating slightly, as if this really did matter to him, as if this was actually important, life-saving work. Few lives would be improved, let alone saved, if Jarrod’s typing hit Pam’s 10 words a minute speed, whose eyes seemed permanently fixed on her hovering fingers, searching for the right keys as if she were reading Braille, scared to make the slip that would require a renewed hunt for the delete key. Even his usual 40 words a minute did little to educate children or heal the sick, although if he could somehow find a way in which they could then he would surely be only minutes away from stardom.
‘I’ve had a slow start,’ he confessed, with a sigh, wondering how he could now drop the words cigarette or smoke into the conversation to subtly compel Gaveth away from the increasingly irritating position he occupied behind his back. Jarrod could feel his neck-hairs quiver, as Gaveth breathed heavily and rapidly, slightly wheezing as he grew in anxiety at Jarrod’s failure to crumble. ‘I’m just lacking a little puff,’ he lied, using the word puff for the first time ever in a day-to-day conversation, ‘but, don’t worry, I’ll be smoking before you know it.’
‘Yeah? Well, just you make sure you are. We don’t take kindly to slackers here,’ he responded, withdrawing his finger before sniffing forcibly and hurriedly shuffling away, casting a disgusted glance in Neil’s direction as he strode towards the door, the word ‘faster’ being mumbled through agitated teeth. Both Neil and Pam fluttered their eye-lids nervously and instantly returned to following every movement of their fingers with their panicky eyes. Jarrod looked to the window ahead and smiled, whilst his lungs took a generous gulp of fresh air-conditioned air.
If you want to make it in this business. Gaveth’s words echoed through his mind. He wasn’t sure he wanted to make it in any business, and he certainly wasn’t sure what it meant to make it in this business. Had Gaveth made it? If so then he could have it, whatever it was.
A whole weekend had passed but little had changed in Jarrod’s response to Janine’s devastating absence. He had, of course, considered every conceivable explanation for her delay, and eventual permanent absence, throughout the evening, his fantasies becoming increasingly less-favourable towards her as the minutes passed. Punctuality was important, a sign that you were valued, and so with every passing second Jarrod’s sense of self-worth faded like a wilting flower, Janine’s lateness sapping his energy with naive brutality.
He cast his eyes back over his impeccable memory of the slip of paper he had passed to her that Thursday, offering the crushing reassurance that he certainly had provided every possible means of communication and had taken particular care to maintain the highest degree of accuracy; he had made no error, provided no opportunity for anything other than the perfect fulfilment of his plans. The fault was purely hers, yet it was he who would suffer.
He had tried to replay their conversation in his head, this time observing himself at a distance – a handsome, well-dressed holder of salmon-coloured paper – in a vain attempt to scrutinise the tone in which every word was said, to identify a slight head-tilt or a pursed lip that originally masked her intentions. Perhaps he could, in fact, find a justifiable excuse to borrow the recording of the CCTV camera, just in case his memory had not quite captured every detail. Surely the reprographics room had CCTV; there were so many temptations that required the reproachful hand of recording equipment. He could, perhaps, claim to have had something stolen that he inadvertently laid on the desk the last time he was in there, insisting that every camera be checked to catch the perpetrator. In fact, simply the prospect of using the word perpetrator in daily conversation made the idea highly appealing.
Without warning, the canteen was now out of bounds. There would be no more bagel-moments, he would make sure of that, and, besides, the improved weather had made the prospect of eating home-made sandwiches on the park bench 50 yards from the office block more tantalising than before. He was still unsure whether making his own sandwiches would ultimately work out cheaper – it surely depended largely on the quality of the fillings – but avoiding the inevitably awkward glances across the canteen at a slightly flushed Janine would be a price worth paying.
He stared at the words before him. Any interest he had previously faked in the data he was entering had now evaporated completely.
His fingers typed two words: I quit.
An exclamation mark found its way onto the screen, replacing the less-dramatic full stop. Perhaps he could actually do it; just leave it like that and walk out. It was a chapter ending if ever there was one. Who would be the first to read his words? Would anyone take them seriously at first? How would Neil and Pam react? He was bursting with questions.
He had never been keen on the word ‘quit’. It suggested he was incapable of doing the job, that it had become too much for him. What was the right word for suggesting that the job had become too little for him?
I advance. I progress. I overcome.
Unfortunately, if he left any of these words on the screen, Gaveth would probably still expect him to be back the next day, expressing his relief that Jarrod’s therapy was clearly going so well. In seeking a moment of triumph, he would be find himself being encouraged to join Gaveth for a ‘quick one’, forced to listen through the smoke to the first instalment of How I Overcame and Became what I am Today, which roughly amounted to a string of profanities aimed largely in the direction of a lady named Nicole who apparently didn’t take his work seriously enough. He would be told to ‘keep a look out, Jarrod’, to ‘never give in, Jarrod’, to ‘put yourself first, Jarrod’. Even Jarrod would grow sick of his name, as Gaveth spat it through increasingly-yellowing teeth, like a father passing on wisdom to his prodigal son. Unwittingly, he would have become Gaveth’s protégé, the man he would train up to become the man he’d become, to take on the reins one day, to be a leader and not a follower. It was some way from the intention of the original ‘I quit’.
It was 9.20. Even preparing to quit seemed to take so little time.
Jarrod typed another six words onto the screen, ensuring he maintained his new lowest-ever record of one word a minute.
I am going for a coffee.

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