There will only be one draft of this blog entry but, if we were really to push the boat out and try and make this the world's leading blog (anyone know what that is, by the way?), then a second, third or fourth draft would be essential. Just think of the changes that could be made, the humour that could be added to this otherwise dull piece of writing, the life-changing words I could impart to my worldwide audience. If only.
I've never been a fan of redrafting. In fact, the three plays I have had put on have all been first drafts (with minor tweaks), so I've naturally assumed this rather stubborn (some would call it arrogant) position that insists that everything will go well the first time around. Sure, I would be told by countless people that it was essential to redraft your work and I would even nod along whilst Stephen King wrote of locking away his manuscript for a few months before coming back to it afresh in his brilliant book 'On Writing', agreeing that, yes, for writers in general this was exactly the right advice. However, it wasn't until I did just that and returned to a couple of old plays of mine that hadn't really gone anywhere that I realised just how badly wrong I had got things. Let's just say that if the plays weren't written by me I would probably have dismissed them out of hand within 2 minutes, so poor was the dialogue. By no means am I currently producing world-beating scripts to compare them against but I would like to think that I'm getting a little bit better and in just 20 minutes of reworking the opening of one of the plays I'm already seeing a big improvement.
You can consider me duly humbled...
Now for a bit of cat-beating (which, to be honest, is the closest I'll ever get to world-beating) - 7 things you can do to a cat while they sleep:
1) Leave them be - why would you do anything to torment such poor defenceless creatures?
2) Stroke their fur the 'wrong' way.
3) Wrap their tail round until it is by their mouth - your very own cat-version of the Ouroboros.
4) Tell them the story of how they were adopted.
5) Move their food, sparking mass confusion when they awake.
6) Discover how many magnetic items you can hang from their collar at the same time.
7) Read them the story of 'The Black Cat' by Edgar Allan Poe.
I look forward to taking out a Super-injunction to cover up any forthcoming brush with the RSPCA. Don't worry Twitter users, I promise not to sue you.
Oh la la - thinks I'm sleeping does he? Perhaps I'm just dreaming up ways of taking revenge. So here's my list of 7 things to do to a human being whilst they are sleeping:
ReplyDelete1)Leave a few liquid or solid 'messages' either on or in the vicinity to alert them to your presence.
2)Slobber all over their clothes - works best on the expensive things naturally.
3)Pluck at said garments or the bedding/settee/chair until it shreds.
4)Sound a mournful wail in their ear repeatedly until they realise it is time to feed you.
5)Continue with the wailing and whining outside the bedroom window at night or even indulge in a little play-fight or noisy scuffle with neighbouring pets.
6)Silently attack the choice left-overs intended for the next day but which have been lovingly left out in the kitchen for you.
7)If you can't beat them just join them, but make sure you lay all over their face/neck/arms or somewhere equally annoying until they wake up.
That should up the maximum annoyance factor and let them know you object to being 'left behind' inconsiderately whilst they float off to heaven.