Money for nothing

‘If you had a million pounds, what would you spend it on?’
I’m pretty sure this was asked of me once at school and, if not, then I’ve created a memory from scratch to suit the purposes of this blog.
My answer?
‘Well, I guess there are a few options.’ (I was an indecisive child.) ‘A mansion would certainly be very tempting and I’d like to do a round the world trip, perhaps buying an Aston Martin on my return. Failing that, I’d buy Norwich City Football Club (surely they can’t be worth more than a million…) and would go some way to solving world hunger. Or, failing that, world peace.’
OK, I may have embellished my responses slightly / made them up entirely, but whatever I actually said (assuming this moment happened) definitely focussed on exciting things that I could spend the money on. I was optimistic, full of belief that this would of course happen one day and so it was well worth putting in the time now to make sure I was well-prepared for the big day.
Fast forward a few years and we arrive at October 5th 2011 and I am waltzing down the pavement on my way to yet another day in a job that would only earn me a million pounds if I failed to spend a penny (no, not that type of penny…) in about 35 months. Unfortunately, we seem to live in a world in which it’s impossible to avoid spending at least a couple of pounds a month and so those 35 months are looking pretty ambitious. If we assume that I may make a profit of about £100 a month, we’re now looking at around 10,000 months for that million to appear. Call me pessimistic, but I’m not sure I’m going to live that long…
N.B. If my Maths are incorrect, that is no surprise whatsoever.
So, what would make me think about money on October 5th 2011? Well, it turns out that the new movie ‘Courageous’ which has just been released in America has only gone and made $9 million in the opening weekend. No, I’m afraid I didn’t write this one but what if I had? And, more pressingly, what if the movie that Neil and I are writing ends up being as successful as this? Surely after hearing this news no walk to work would be complete without a good 20 minutes of contemplation around this age-old question: ‘What would I spend a million pounds on?’
Please note: for the purposes of this fantasy, I decided that my ‘cut’ for writing the film would be £1 million. I know, I’ve been very generous and allowed the director, actors and others a slice of the financial pie too…
So, what would I – 27 year-old husband-of-one Sam Lenton – spend the money on? A new car? A shiny collar for Maisie? A new wheelie-bin? (While we’re on the topic of wheelie-bins, I passed one today with a picture of Tweety-Pie on it, which made very little sense to me. ‘Tweety’ was spelt like that on the bin, by the way, in case you’re thinking I’ve got that very wrong.)
No, none of those things it turns out. Where does my mind go first? Wait for it…
The mortgage.
I would, it seems, pay off the mortgage. And, once that excitement is out of the way, the next suggestion to pop into my head was: my student loan. Forget mansions and holidays, it seems that the adult me is now interested in paying off debt.
Then, as I listened to Tim Hughes on my MP3 player, I remembered that, as a Christian, it would probably be a good idea to consider how much I would give away. Would a tenth be appropriate or would I feel that greater generosity was ‘required’ in this moment? If so, how much generosity and where should my money go? The church? Charity? Setting up my own home for abused cats?
Money’s an annoying thing. We love to have it but it doesn’t half cause us (or me, at least) confusion when it comes to working out how to spend it. I mean, am I being a wise steward of what God has given me if I buy that Ginster’s sausage roll for lunch for the princely sum of £1, when I could quite easily have brought a packet of crisps from home?
Life is full of tough decisions. One day, perhaps, I will be faced with the 'mortgage or holiday’ dilemma after all, as our film soars to the top of the charts, but to be honest I think my biggest difficulty will be working out the smaller questions, such as whether or not to now start buying fish and chips from a shop rather than making them myself at home.
Oh, and idea number 4 for how I’d spend my money? An iPad. I’ll buy an iPad. The child in me will enjoy that one.
(Correction - '35 months' should, of course, have read '35 years'. Maths brings unwanted recognition of one's weaknesses...)