I know we’re supposed to embrace all fashions and trends, celebrating the variety and diversity that exists in our culture, but I am afraid I am going to well and truly nail my colours to the mast and express my utter dislike for one of the latest trends to be sweeping the nation: obscenely-patterned leggings.
The picture to the left – which is purposefully small to minimise the aesthetic insult to your eyes that the pattern might induce – is a prime example of such clothing. Technically, these leggings are ‘Isabella Blue Aztec Patterned Leggings’. Aztec? I don’t remember the Aztecs wearing any leggings like this when studying Ancient History at school…
As far as I am concerned, the word ‘obscene’ is entirely appropriate for describing such offensive garments – although I should point out that doing a Google search for ‘obscene’ just caused it to crash, so maybe don’t worry about checking out the meaning of the word – since, not only do they cause great discomfort for everyone looking at them (I am speaking on behalf of Britain here, aka Simon Cowell on Britain’s Got Talent) but they simply do not go with any other item of clothing the person is wearing. Now, if I learned one thing when getting dressed, apart from ensuring everything is the right way round, it is that you should at least make some attempt at getting colours, patterns and shapes to match.
Someone out there is to blame for this. We should, quite rightly, be sceptical of anything that gathers an overwhelmingly large following – that means you, Mr Bieber – and so naturally there should be a sense of antagonism towards this latest trend. It seems quite ironic that an item of clothing that seems to embrace individualism and difference with such force that such characteristics are almost choked of air entirely is now being seen everywhere, making it in fact not a diverse item at all but rather another sign, albeit a bizarrely-colourful one, of conformity. By enough people trying to be different, they have ended up all being the same. Spooky.
Or, perhaps not. Perhaps I should don a pair myself and march confidently down the corridor of life, prompting a sudden flurry of jeans-hunting from everyone keen to look different from me? Destroying a trend by joining the trend – now that’s an ambition.
Yes - go for it Sam. Cause those student eyes to pop in disbelief. Start a new trend in the staff room. On second thoughts, maybe not. They are predominantly meant for women. Perhaps your sartorial invisibility can be seen as a distinct advantage for an observer of life such as yourself. My motto is try to avoid wearing again what was fashionable in one's youth. Same look doesn't usually work twice!
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